Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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