dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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