Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were destined to go to rehab together
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
