I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
