When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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