I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize