I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
