I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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