he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Your cock deserves a montage
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
