Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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