i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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