Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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