I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
