I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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