it hurts more in the daytime
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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