Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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