her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize