sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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