THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
