After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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