I just made out with a guy for $7.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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