Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
