He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
