Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
