if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Help. Why am I so naked?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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