I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
