Your face is a jimmy john
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
