We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
