Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
