Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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