Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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