someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
