I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
