that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
