you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
