Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
