o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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