He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
