im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
