I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
