I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
