Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
