it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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