Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
