Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
