I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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