She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
