I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
