I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
