I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
