hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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