I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
