I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
