i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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