You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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