this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am one with the molecules
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize