I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
