i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
