Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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