Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
