there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
