Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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