i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
