Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
don't judge my taste in strippers
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
