I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just googled if crying burns calories
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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