I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
