Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
