she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
